November 1, 2004

  • All hallows eve…

    Yes. Twenty-four years, and about 9 months ago, two people got it on. Thanks to that, here I am today.

    Halloween has always been a bit weird for me, since it shared space with the remembrance of my birth.

    It’s a wacky holiday as it is. That cathartic need to lose yourself for a bit and hide behind a character, drop the “you” for a change. Free to give in to baser desires, a bit wilder, darker.

    As a child, the allure of candy (the definition of instant gratification when young) ruled the enjoinment of the holiday. The dressing up a masquerade to brighten what lies underneath: Halloween as a lesson and reminder of death, respecting its place in the human cycle, alluding to it in an attempt to accept its existence.

    So shared with all that, this end of October has also brought many other things. Presents, people calling me, a somewhat annoying need for everyone to try to make that day “special.” It becomes a burden to be lauded. And I know the people that love me feel it is important that I have a day when they can show how much they appreciate me, but I don’t like the extra attention, it’s hard to take, too much pressure.

    Alas… another turn around the sun. What have I learned? How have I changed? Am I better? Wiser? Fatter? Richer?

    What does it all mean, here, on this day that’s about me, celebrating my arrival on the scene?

    Who knows? Im still here. And of course I’ve changed, but I feel like the core Dustin remains the same. I hope im wiser, that a year of experiences has taught me something. Im definitely richer and fatter, and I wonder if those two have a strong correlation.

    Most people who love me did call me. And that did feel good. And I’m glad I’m still around, and I think the place I am mentally is all right. I might even be excited about another year here, the future, wide open, infinte in its possibilities… from death to marriage to mundane small increments of living.

    Happy birthday to me. Today was my day.