June 4, 2004

  • Okay, so i have been neglectful....

    we all know that diaries are just hard to keep. i always go strong on the first couple weeks and then i just tumble. anyway...

    i want to talk about sex. and not just because its my favorite subject in the world, but because i think we all find it interesting, a unifying fact of being human.

    After two years of having regular sex, i am now on month six of nothing but my hardy loyal right hand (sometimes left, but really usually right). and oh what a difference a day makes. i am in such a pining mood, mopy and depressive remembering all the good times i had with my exgirlfriend and missing her so fucking much. Its kind of like an eclipse, all i remember is the beautiful sunny times, while the darkness that lies on the other side is completely overshadowed.

    and so many days it feels like i will never have sex again, the soft delicious female touch shall stare me in the face like Tanatalus' grapes, always just a bit out of my reach. because i live in new york, i get to see all sorts of exotic and hot eye candy every single day, just walking next to me, sitting accross from me on the train, and i wonder and wish and speculate, but its all just fantasy, never the real deal in my bed.

    and one of the crazy things is how i don't just miss the sex. i miss the entire package of love and support and the little things, like hugging someone, cuddling on a saturday morning, companionship. i guess we males think ourselves tough and loners but we are all human in the end, and humans are social creatures. i'm horny for love, sex, touch. Damn! and i used to SUCH a good loner too. but then the two life leaves the one in the dust, though the one does feel more free at times.

    in other news...

    my life is going great, i got promoted and a raise. I am now an official assistant editor. i am winning at poker, reafirming myself upon this world by bluffing my friends out of their ten bucks. but i am lonely, and with out my good friend mary jane, who kept me company throughout my entire college career, its even lonlier. i guess i just got to trudge on through...